Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
