I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
