I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
