i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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