I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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