im six kinds of drunk right now
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
