careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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