she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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