Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
