No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
