JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
