We're facebook friends in real life
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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