Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
