you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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