Everything about him screamed your future.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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