we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
