oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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