it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
