I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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