He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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