My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I touched a dick in church today
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
