So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
