Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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