i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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