I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
