He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
