i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
