Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
