Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
