Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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