My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
