if only i could text you this smell
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
