The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
