The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
