she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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