so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
