I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
