Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Houston, we have a blender
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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