It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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