Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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