How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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