I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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