his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
