i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
