I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
