I'm eating all of the evidence.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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