Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
