This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
