quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
