3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
