We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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